What's Wrong With This Photo?

Well, looks like Khloe Kardashian finally got her wish to completely bite off of Kim and date an athlete, thing is she went one step foward and married him. Hmm, where to begin because this entire marriage is all wrong. Dear Khloe, we understand that you will never be as famous or skinny as Kim, but stealing a good black *cough* rich *cough* athlete off the market to pollute him with your slutty, coke vial bearing ways is NOT COOL. I repeat. Not cool. Not only is this the fakest photo, smile, WEDDING, I have every seen...but I have to say that this marriage will be over faster than you can say "I ain't sayin' she a gold digger." Luckily ol' boy Lamar guarded his assets in a beautiful post-nuptial agreement, sending the memo "You ain't getting half of shit!". Good move son. Still, I look at this photo and wonder what the hell. Besides that, WHAT THE HELL ARE Kim and Kourtney wearing? Ughh...not okay.

I need some time to think about this. I'm sorry Khloe, you're still fat and ugly no matter how rich you might be. I'm just waiting for Kim to pop out another DVD with her sister's man. NOW THAT WOULD BE FUNNY!

I'll stop being mean but people need to recognize...

amen.
(written out of concern for our SINGLE black athletes)

Boycott: KFC

Say it ain't so, say it ain't so. I don't know whether to call this SMH or Boycott either way, both names are COMPLETELY justifiable. It has come to our attention sir Colonel Sanders is out to kill us all. How have I come to this conclusion?...KFC, I'm sorry KGC (Kentucky Grilled Chicken) causes cancer. Let me just be the first to say that I KNEW THIS! J/K. I mean first off KFC has faced a lot of scrutiny in the past with PETA and the questioning of "Is that really chicken, because it is too good to be true". And honestly, it was too good to be true. I ate my 10 peices of wings like there was no tomorrow. I savored each bite of my grilled chicken wings. I think you catch my drift. But I swear to something I never thought the establishment which took in most of my life savings would be out to kill me. SMH SANDERS. NOT COOL....NOT COOL. I guess we're all going to Popeyes. I mean..."Louisiana FAST!" sounds so much better anyway.

Amen.

Wait I'm not done...I'm sorry. I'm tighter than Jennifer Hudson's body suit. They really tried to pull a fast one. I'm smelling a class action lawsuit. Seriously. I don't need another cancer foundation over some wings. SMH x 4928398293400 (if that's even a number).

To my friend Devona: Never have I ever seen a better chance for 20 mill!

We Can Do Better: Keyshia Cole Graces the Lovely Cover of...

Pink's Smooth Touch Perm. I didn't think times were this hard. SHEE-IT! We can do so much better.

One Question for Lady Gaga

WHAT WENT WRONG?

Crank That Bad Hair-do

He hopped out of bed and turned his common sense off. WTF is this. This doo honestly looks like the start of something new--something like a vegetable crop. What makes him think this is remotely attractive. -___-

Do your scalp and your fans a favor and sue the stylist NOW Souljah Boy. I prefer not to die young.

amen.

Airborn/Wiz Khalifa

He's the wizard. Wiz Khalifa graces my iTunes yet again in Airborn. Download it.

Kthanksbye.


Airborn/download

VOMIT: Tyra's Dateline Interview

OMG. I hate bad interviews and Tyra is really good at having bad interviews. You would think that someone who has their own TALKSHOW, would be a pro at answering questions HONESTLY and confessing up to their lace-front diva-ish ways. I mean Whitney Houston, as beautiful as she looks now, wasn't afraid to let Oprah know how to lace the Bali. However, sadly this did not happen. In the video below, watch how she gracefully answers the question about being the bitch on America's Next Top Model. I lied. What I meant to say is watch how she bickers back and forth with the interviewer about women & jealousy. Then what really cracked me up the most is how she committed the ultimate act of bitchassness by allowing her publicist to step in. What does Bossip.com say, "Hoe Sit Down"? YES. That is exactly what she needs to do. Seriously Tyra? OMG. Then on top of that she claims that she wants little Tyra's. FOL (fuck our lives) The world has enough divas at the current moment.

yuckers.

We Love You Stephen Colbert

HAHAHA. Wake up Mr. West, the entire world hates you at the current moment. But OMG Stephen Colbert is TOO funny for this. I mean of course he had something to say. Watch below people.
Kanye West Interrupts Taylor Swift at the VMAs

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Protests

Amen.

FYL: Kanye West

"I just heard some real bad news". Does Kanye West not understand that he fucked up finally? I think owes America an apology but more importantly, he owes Taylor Swift an apology. Like how stupid did he look up there? Wow, I'm sorry no one liked your whining ode Love Lockdown and omg I'm so sorry NO ONE voted for your RETARDED video, but don't go taking your bitterness out on ol' girl Taylor. Personally, if I was her I would have dropped the n-bomb. Mr. West DO YOU NOW SEE WHY PRESIDENT BUSH DIDN'T LIKE BLACK PEOPLE? Well America, there's your answer. My questions is: Where the hell was Amber Rose to shut his ass up. I mean she only goes everywhere with him.


'&& I heard 'em say...you're an ASSHOLE'

Amen.

Mica

VOMIT: A Letter To Lady Gaga

Dear Ms. Germanotta (b.k.a. Lady Gaga)

My name is Mica Jenkins, and I am a former fan of yours writing to share my blatant opinion about your choice in outfits at this year MTV Video Music Awards. I understand that you are one of the most ground breaking artists of this millennium and you are very open about your sexuality, music, and as well as style. Over the past few months, I have supported your obsession with blonde weave and highly flammable outfits...however, you crossed the line. As I sat on my bed room eating one of my favorite dinners (chicken and rice), I anticipated your performance because I was going to purchase tickets to your concert in October with show stopping performer Kanye West. When you came on stage, I soon realized that I needed to call Visa and immediatly cancel those tickets. I think I speak for thousands of your viewers when I say...WTF WERE YOU DOING. Paparazzi is one of my favorite songs on your "The Fame" album. Pshh not anymore. To add to that, while I congratulate you on your win for Best New Artist, your acceptance outfit was just plain ridiculous. I find it hilarious because just before then some friends and I had brought a reasonably large amount of red lace underwear from Victoria's Secret a couple of days ago and what a coincidence that you found it and decided to wear it to give your speech. Show us some credit Gaga. To wrap up this seemingly long letter, I would like to offer some advice to further prevent these opinions,

1) Fire your stylist
2) Start a foundation to donate all of the eyeliner on your eyes to countries in need.
3) Fire your stylist.


I am pretty sure the result of this can be helpful to us all.

Thanks for your time,

Mica Jenkins

lmfao.

Alien Sighting 2

I am currently in the process of writing a letter to President Obama or whoever is in charge of the department that handles alien life, life on other planets, etc because it kills me how they are not investigating the public sightings of Amber Rose. HAHA! Just kidding! Check her out here at the Paper magazine party somewhere this weekend. All I have to say is stop using orange glow Amber, there is nothing fun about looking like a dying Chia pet with expensive sunglasses on. Oh and Kanye...how about you smile because I know a plethora of men who want to tear her E.T. cakes down.


this is truly hilarious.

amen.

-mica

LMFAO: 'I'm still from Compton...you better recognize'

BAHAHAHAHAAHAH! I knew she still had it in her. Serena Williams let those prissy ass officials at the US Open have it when they continuously called fouls on her. You must remember, no matter how many trophies, awards, and prizes that girl has won, she is still from Compton California, meaning baby girl isn't afraid to shout Man Down, Code 10. Peep the video to look at this absolute entertainment.

I can't stand you, but I love your jacket.

I don't care what you think. In this day in age, one has to take risks, dare to be different, and not be afraid of hating ass haters. Face it, all the cool kids are doing it. Well snaps for Solange, this Z-lister totally gets an A in MY book for this jacket. I don't care if she took her bedroom curtains down, added a few safety pins, and kept it moving...a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I will admit, she truly looks happy without the hair...it's just she still truly looks ugly though. HAHA JUST KIDDING (not really). We love you and your weird self Solange...not to mention that jacket.


Kthanxbye,

MICA

DISCLAIMER like...

Dear readers,

NEWS FLASH, I got like 4000 text messages like where are you on the blog, what's going on in your life that you would deprive me of funny critiques and ways on how we ought to see the world etc. I just want to let you know lovies that Mica has started shcool and that means that more AP US and less blogs. However, as you can see right now I am on the blog and not doing AP US, therefore my disclaimer is do not get mad at me OR GIVE UP ON ME because I do not update the site every 5 seconds. Haha, it is true. I promise that I will post as often as I can. Plus, like there really isn't any news I find worthy of posting about except music. So how about you create some drama in your life that I can get America to laugh about. Just kidding (not really). Umm yea so, sta tuned. Continue reading. SPREAD THE WORD. Enjoy the ride.


LOVE YOU x 1000. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ADD ME ON FACEBOOK (my friends are gonna get pissed about me promoting myself lol.) add. There you can stalk me, but don't get too crazy.

Amen.

-Mica

Fresh Select: The Blueprint 3

Alright, you got it! I got like 400 posts on Facebook about how good Jay-Z's cd was. Though I downloaded it 10 days before its actual due date, I didn't have a chance to really digest the songs, their lyrics, etc. However, inspired by my news feed I am impressed with Jay-Z. Seriously. It is a huge step up from American Gangster, atleast that is what critics around the world witnessing the birth of this album claim it to be. I think that while American Gangster was good, be honest...you don't remember one song and though you still rock to "Say Hello"...that shit gets skipped on your iTunes shuffle. The only reason I had an doubt in the marketing of Blueprint 3 was 1) I did not like any of the released singles such as DOA, and since Im beginning to hate Drake...'Off That' was 'off' my music library, and I couldn't take Rihanna crying on 'Run This Town'. 2) I was skeptical about whether he was trying to be on his 'I am a veteran to this HipHop so let me stick with hardcore gangster shit or if he was trying to be 'I am so different bitches so half of my album is alternative so suck it up'. LUCKILY, his 15 something odes to his hustle, business state of mind, and New York City for blessing him with the gift of making music as well as hit music has truly made this album as 'Real As it Gets' and worthy of praise and a blog on MicaSaysss. Seriously, anyone who reads this needs to take my word: Grace your iTunes with this album.

download and listen...or else. Hey Mr. Carter...you tha shit!

OH!? Don't have it?...get it here. BTW, your really late in the game.

Blueprint 3/download

JIZZ! MAN ON THE MOON: END OF DAY

ITS HERE!!!!!!!! I searched high and low for this and finally I got it. Don't even try it....you KNOW you love me! Thank me later.
Critique to come in a few days.

Man On The Moon: End Of Day/download

"Your a fail... I know"

SO, I am starting a new series, (if you want to call it) that on people who need to quit their job, but more importantly, quit making music. For months now I have held my tongue and refrained from speaking out against new and old artists releasing music here and there because i thought 'Hey, even though they SUCK, give them a chance because time are hard and...it would be better to see them polluting out iTunes rather than seeing them smoking crack or robbing random people on the street. Hence, I have a bone to pick with New Boyz.



Don't sit up there and act like you've never called your friend a jerk just to have them reply "I Know". I admit that I was obsessed with these two pieces of Cali-bred sexyness when "You're A Jerk" hit the airwaves. Unfortunately...that was it. After that, I heard a couple of their leaked track and wanted "like a new i-pod just [to] touch and turn it off". Seriously, everything after their first single (songs like Dot Com, So Dope...why do I know this) is just well um trash. Not to mention, I nearly broke my ankle trying to jerk. Wamp wamp wamp, perhaps their jeans are too tight to release a new hit.


I prefer not to die young...so do us all a favor and quit your job.

amen,

mica.

VOMIT: Nivea

That better be a child in this faux silk rag. I am completely aware that pregnancy gives one the mean munchies but this picture demonstrates an extreme cry for help. Please stop feeding this animal and her weave. The kitchen closes here Nivea.

JIZZ: Lego Brooches

This is why Dee & Ricky complete my life. These funny little pin-on's will be up soon. Check 'em out here: Dee & Ricky

Yes, they are 85$, but come on...all the cool kids are doing it.

Well I'll Be Goddamned...Kanye Got A Body

I thought that when Kanye went through his "I have a hard time getting over my ex, so let me look a hot mess", the abuse to his hairline would transfer to his body...but apparently not! Someone's been hitting the gym I see to get stronger, better (you know the lyrics). What I would like to see is if he takes his shirt off in a video, that'll be the day. For now, all we have is this French magazine.

Get 'em daddy.

SMH: Chris Brown

I know...creative title. Here's the deal. I was on little Chris's side because I knew that under all that feirce-ness, Rihanna is still some crazy bitch. However, after a series of events I have to say my perception of Mr. Brown has totally changed. I was rooting for you Chris, I really was. I wanted everyone to hop off your dick, I really did, but since that little stunt you pulled on Larry King Live...SMH. Did you just up and get amnesia? Do you not remember beating the Covergirl off that hoe? DO YOU NOT REMEMBER WHY YOUR CAREER IS OVER? Son, he is hilarious. I mean, some things just shouldn't be said on air, and especially not on Larry King Live. I swear, he is making his butthole much more vulnerable to some hungry prison inmates, not to mention he looks like an even bigger asshole. Good luck Chris. "There's never a right time to say good-bye"....to your career.

CHRIS BROWN TALKS TO LARRY KING
by thatsfunny

MUAHAHAH.
-mj

LMFAO:Take A Road Trip Like This

I stole this straight from Bossip, but talk about efficiency. This photo was captured somewhere in the Sahara. Man, I love me some africans. They really know how to pack a car and this is living proof. Beyond words...beyond words. LMFAO.